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The Weight of Knowing

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 “You cannot give what you do not have.” A quote that our teacher in our major subject always says. Studying a program that’s in the helping profession means working on yourself every day. It’s like battling between what’s right and what’s hypocrisy at the same time. Honestly, every day is a struggle, learning all these things is one thing, but applying them to myself is another. As humans, we are born with the capacity to do both good and evil. We may be kind, yet we carry selfishness. We choose to live a happy life, but sometimes anger still finds its place within us. Studying the psychology behind it all, trying to understand these things while working on myself, feels so deep; it’s a lifetime process. A cycle, forever's not enough... Today, I’m struggling to let go of the grudge buried deep within me. I feel hypocritical because I thought experience had molded me, that helping myself was enough to heal me, but it wasn’t. I thought the angry girl inside me had vanished, but she’...
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Why are you worth knowing?

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Wednesday, 15 January 2025 That one question really pondered me a lot. As we began our second semester yesterday, that question was asked by our new teacher, and I was really inspired by him because he's very adventurous. He's from the Bicol region and moved here to Iloilo City, taking a risk to start a new chapter of his life, and I was in awe of it. Within that first meeting, he taught us a lot about how life works and different perspectives on dealing with problems—lessons that seemed to transcend the boundaries of environmental science. What was even more interesting is that he's not even our major subject teacher—he's our environmental science teacher. Personally, he said that he doesn't know why he went into the science field because he loves English more, poetry, movies, and anything about art. His story was a reminder that our paths are rarely linear, that passion can lead us through unexpected territories. So, going back to when he tells us to introduce our...
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Untitled

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 “Maybe that's enlightenment enough: to know that there is no final resting place of the mind; no moment of smug clarity. Perhaps wisdom is realizing how small I am, and unwise, and how far I have yet to go”  - Anthony Bourdain.
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December Series - Draft 3

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Sunday, 15 December 2024 11:07 pm I struggle to control my anger. Everything becomes blurry when anger consumes me. The bitter irony is that my fight against anger has become a form of anger itself, a cyclical battle within my own heart. Being a madwoman is the last thing I want to be. I don't want to be labeled as a furious and grumpy woman; instead, I aspire to be kind and soft, a woman full of love and charm. It may be challenging to control my reactions when anger overwhelms me, but I hope this volatile part of myself will gradually fade away. I want to be reminded to breathe, to ground myself, and come back to earth when emotions threaten to sweep me away.
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December Series - Draft 2

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Thursday, December 12 2024 4:05 pm Secret Animosity, a feeling that lingers like an unspoken whisper, haunting the edges of my perception. I've always been sensitive to the undercurrents of human emotions, my gut feeling a compass navigating through the subtle landscapes of interpersonal dynamics. There are moments when I sense a hidden tension, an unresolved friction that vibrates just beneath the surface of polite interactions. I hope my intuition is wrong. I want to believe in the goodwill of people, in the possibility that what I sense is merely a projection of my own anxieties. But my instincts have rarely led me astray. This secret animosity—it's not loud or explosive, but quiet, calculated, a slow-burning ember that threatens to ignite at any moment. Sometimes, I catch a glimpse of it in a forced smile, in a conversation that feels too measured, too controlled. In the spaces between words, in the calculated pauses, in the micro-expressions that most people miss. I see th...
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December Series - Draft 1

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Monday, 9 December 2024 9:09 pm Entering college marks a new chapter, entirely different from my previous experiences, and I feel I'm transforming as a person. While I understand the principle of consistency, right now it feels like my biggest challenge—being able to show up, to persist. It's both a blessing and a curse. I've become a calm and observant girl in this new environment, surprisingly distanced from the energetic leader I was in senior high school. I've grown tired of the spotlight, no longer driven to lead or involve myself in multiple fields. Is this a loss of my spark, or have I simply learned to appreciate solitude and choose my investments more wisely? Am I experiencing a profound shift—learning to use my energy purposefully and protect myself from endeavors that won't serve my growth? Perhaps I've stopped being a people-pleaser and have become more grounded, more certain of where I stand. Is this the transformation I secretly wished for? The tru...
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Netochka Nezvanova pg.20

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 "You sensed that you should be following a different path, a more ambitious one, you felt that you were destined for other things, but you had no idea how to achieve them and in your misery you began to hate everything around you. But you didn't waste those six years; you studied, you thought, you became aware of yourself and your strengths. You need patience and courage, my friend ... Achievement far greater than mine awaits you."
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