Veracity Verses

 “Maybe that's enlightenment enough: to know that there is no final resting place of the mind; no moment of smug clarity. Perhaps wisdom is realizing how small I am, and unwise, and how far I have yet to go”  - Anthony Bourdain.

Sunday, 15 December 2024 11:07 pm I struggle to control my anger. Everything becomes blurry when anger consumes me. The bitter irony is that my fight against anger has become a form of anger itself, a cyclical battle within my own heart. Being a madwoman is the last thing I want to be. I don't want to be labeled as a furious and grumpy woman; instead, I aspire to be kind and soft, a woman full of love and charm. It may be challenging to control my reactions when anger overwhelms me, but I hope this volatile part of myself will gradually fade away. I want to be reminded to breathe, to ground myself, and come back to earth when emotions threaten to sweep me away.

Thursday, December 12 2024 4:05 pm Secret Animosity, a feeling that lingers like an unspoken whisper, haunting the edges of my perception. I've always been sensitive to the undercurrents of human emotions, my gut feeling a compass navigating through the subtle landscapes of interpersonal dynamics. There are moments when I sense a hidden tension, an unresolved friction that vibrates just beneath the surface of polite interactions. I hope my intuition is wrong. I want to believe in the goodwill of people, in the possibility that what I sense is merely a projection of my own anxieties. But my instincts have rarely led me astray. This secret animosity—it's not loud or explosive, but quiet, calculated, a slow-burning ember that threatens to ignite at any moment. Sometimes, I catch a glimpse of it in a forced smile, in a conversation that feels too measured, too controlled. In the spaces between words, in the calculated pauses, in the micro-expressions that most people miss. I see th...

Monday, 9 December 2024 9:09 pm Entering college marks a new chapter, entirely different from my previous experiences, and I feel I'm transforming as a person. While I understand the principle of consistency, right now it feels like my biggest challenge—being able to show up, to persist. It's both a blessing and a curse. I've become a calm and observant girl in this new environment, surprisingly distanced from the energetic leader I was in senior high school. I've grown tired of the spotlight, no longer driven to lead or involve myself in multiple fields. Is this a loss of my spark, or have I simply learned to appreciate solitude and choose my investments more wisely? Am I experiencing a profound shift—learning to use my energy purposefully and protect myself from endeavors that won't serve my growth? Perhaps I've stopped being a people-pleaser and have become more grounded, more certain of where I stand. Is this the transformation I secretly wished for? The tru...

 "You sensed that you should be following a different path, a more ambitious one, you felt that you were destined for other things, but you had no idea how to achieve them and in your misery you began to hate everything around you. But you didn't waste those six years; you studied, you thought, you became aware of yourself and your strengths. You need patience and courage, my friend ... Achievement far greater than mine awaits you."